In my hypnotherapy clinic in Sydney I see many people who self-sabotage in different areas of their lives including personal success, relationships or career. Again, and again, you may fail to reach your goals. It just seems like life is just one long disaster after another.
If you self-sabotage at some level of awareness you know you are doing this behaviour. Make no mistake, self-sabotage is a form of violence – self-violence and even violence towards others.
Dismiss out-of-hand the opinions of knowledgeable people?
Frequently ask for help and then do not take the help offered?
State that when things go wrong for you it is other people’s fault?
Find yourself blaming fate, bad luck or lack of time for missing opportunities?
Get near to success but every time, something goes wrong?
Fail to take the action needed to complete tasks and goals?
If you have self-sabotaging behaviours you have very poor assessment skills.
You will live from a place of fear and defensiveness, are afraid to take a leap of faith and do not trust yourself and others.
You may be paranoid and suspicious of other people’s motives and believe they may be trying to take advantage of you, when in fact they are just trying to communicate and engage with you. It does not matter how well intentioned and competent that person may be, you think you know better than them.
Part of you does not want to succeed in the things you do because you are afraid of failing and the thought of failing, to you, is not worth the risk of trying.
However, people who succeed in their tasks and endeavours fully accept the possibility that they may fail and know they will not always succeed but are ok with those risks.
After a while people may stop offering you help because each time they put their hand up to help you, you bite them for no good reason or you simply do not take up the help offered.
They get tired of you constantly asking for help and then not taking it when offered, so your friends and relatives begin to drop away and not contact you. They get bored and tired with your games.
When you blame other people for things not going right, you are failing to take responsibility for your own life.
It is easier for you to blame others than address your own failings. The anger you may display towards others and yourself is a form of violence.
You may invest in gambling on slot machines, the lottery, games of chance or mystical predictions in order for luck to change your fortune but it will not because you are simply retreating into fantasy rather than taking the responsibility of fixing your own life yourself.
Rotten luck or bad fortune may be your standard excuses for not taking responsibility to fix your life – but it is just that: an excuse.
Success can sometimes be within a hair’s width for you and then you make an uncalculated emotional decision, not based on logic, and destroy your chances. Unconsciously you may be doing that purposefully because success is scary for you as it brings with it the possibility of future failure, so you opt for the failure you know rather than the unknown.
You may be the drama queen of excuses about a thousand reasons you failed to do what you needed to do to succeed. You try to justify all of those excuses, even though to others it is apparent that they are just excuses.
What to do to overcome self-sabotage:
• Own and learn to recognise when you are operating self-sabotaging behaviors<
• Work on increasing your level of trust in yourself and others as the world has lots of nice people and good opportunities
• Increase your analytical skills and weighing up a situation based on the facts, not your emotions
• Make your decisions based on what possible positive outcomes you can create from any situation
• It is your life, so take the responsibility of completing whatever you need to do to create successful outcomes
• The best way to reprogram the way your mind and behaviours work is through hypnosis as it reaches deep into the unconscious mind to change your thought patterns. Find out more about hypnotherapy and self-hypnosis so you can quickly change the way you think, act and behave
Tracie O’Keefe is a clinical hypnotherapist, psychotherapist, counsellor and PACFA-registered mental health professional who helps people to get past their self-limiting behaviours. You can make an appointment to attend her clinic in Sydney or she does offer limited coaching via Skype globally.
Book your appointment with Dr Tracie O’Keefe DCH by calling 02 8021 6429.