Is your marriage not working at the moment and you are each unhappy?
Are you arguing, threatening to leave or even thinking about splitting up?
Did you know that the number 1 problem for couples is poor communication?
How would it be for you if professional marriage counselling helped you start communicating better?
This is one of the most rewarding areas of my job, being able to help where communication has broken down between those involved in a marriage or relationship where disagreements have prevailed.
When couples and families fall out, everyone moves into a highly emotional state and logic flies out the window.
You begin to shut down your external senses like sight or sound, ignoring other people’s communication, and stop listening to each other.
Relationships work on systems. Unfortunately people enter into marriages and relationship with no plan B, and definitely no plan C, D or any other contingency.
What this means is when the relationship hits rocky waters you have no way of getting to shore safely. You have no lifeboat.
Of course in life there will always be rocky waters and these can include unexpected affairs, infertility, mismatched sex drive, disputes over family dynamics and friends, separation, possible divorce, money, inheritance issues or bankruptcy.
Just imagine for a moment that you had a system in place by which you got along just fine – how would that be?
People don’t mean to fall out with each other, it’s just that sometimes life gets on top of us and we all can lose the plot at times.
The one thing you can be sure of in a relationship is that the unexpected will happen and often when you do not expect it to happen.
Of course you can run away, hide yourself under a rock or pretend your relationship is not falling apart but the only sure way to fix things is to pay attention to the problem and find positive ways forward.
Marriage counselling or couples counselling is specifically designed to use the mechanics of communication techniques, negotiation, observation and listening skills.
A third-party, detached perspective that is not consumed by emotion can be incredibly useful in analysing the situation and suggesting ways to fix things in the relationship.
Would you try and run your home, business or bring up your children without a system? So could you consider how systems therapy can help your relationship work?
It is surprising how many couples are not operating those communication skills. You might like to think you are but in reality you and your partner’s communications have become defensive, closed and one-sided.
You have lost perspective or maybe you were never able to see things objectively in the first place. And when you have no bird’s eye point of view, all you have is your way of looking at things.
Because you fall out with your partner, it doesn’t mean you don’t care for them or love them anymore. We can’t all agree on every issue all the time, but we can all agree to disagree and respect each other’s space.
For marriage counselling or couples counselling to work well, all involved need to come along to the session willing to make a change.
Sometimes some parties need to have individual sessions. But if you are in a relationship that is difficult for you, you can approach the problem by initially coming to a marriage counselling or couples counselling session at my clinic in Sydney to find out what you can do about your situation.
If your partner refuses to attend marriage counselling or relationship counselling, it is really ok for you to come along alone in the first instance to find out what you may do to help things go forward.
Book your appointment with Dr Tracie O’Keefe DCH by calling 02 8021 6429.