How good are you at mixing with the people who support and nourish you in life?
If you are lucky life is long and you will meet thousands of interesting people who you might like to hang out with. You may share common interests, have fun together, they may help you and you help them. Some of these people may remain your friends for life. Maybe you might not see them for a time but when you meet them again you know it going to be rewarding.
Or you will hang with people just because they’re there. They may pay you attention, sometimes not in good way, and they may lead you into all sorts of bad situations, not considering your long-term wellbeing. You may even have become one of them. It’s your pack, tribe and better the devil you know than the one you don’t.
I see so many people in my office who mix with people who are messing up their lives. They make excuses for the other persons’ poor behavior, defend their negative ways and how they do not look-out of the person themselves. It becomes a form of Stockholm Syndrome. Even though it may cause you misery you put your hand in your ears, close your eyes and pretend it is not happening.
Oh Sorry – I just remembered luck has nothing to do with it.
You have a choice about the people you spend time with and to whom give your attention. You are bound to no one in life except the people you decide to be bond with so be discerning who those people are. You’re not judging them just choosing who you want to hang out with. They don’t always have to be like you but you need to share some common core basic values. In fact, some of my friends are not like me at all but we do share a number of common values.
From time to time cull the list of some of the people you have made contact with if they are not in line with what you expect from friends. Also remember it is a two-way process in that what are you giving to the relateship?
- Be open to meeting new people, without judgement, as we are all a bit weird in our own ways.
- Not only be open but actively join groups and activities where you might meet people with similar interests.
- Even if you don’t think they might be a good long-term prospect as a friend be nice and kind to them.
- Focus on positive interactions between you, first impressions last, and try and find some commonalties.
- Consider what you can offer them as well as what they can offer you and activity contribute.
- Do you know people they know and what do other people think of them but do not gossip.
- The more time you spend with people the more you bond with them but don’t crowd or overwhelm them with your presence.
- Review the quality of the time you spent together and if it was good think about how you might extend the friendship.
- If people continually misbehaving or are abusive reconsider whether they are really the right friends for you to hang out with.
- As a good friendship grows let people know what a good time you are having hanging out with them.
There are people in my life that I have known nearly all my life for whom I would bake a cake if they turned up at my door. There would of course be a ticker tape parade and party because they have added so much to my life and I would be full of joy at seeing them.
Do you know people they know and what do other people think of them but do not gossip?
Remember friends are one of the best sources of love and fun and we all know how I like fun.
Dr Tracie O’Keefe DCH, BHSc, ND, Clinical Hypnotherapist | Psychotherapist | Counsellor | Sex Therapist, PACFA Registered Mental Health Professional is an individual and relationships therapist in Sydney.
Book your appointment with Dr Tracie O’Keefe DCH by calling 02 8021 6429.