As human beings we have natural instincts to pair up and bond. We can’t help it. Our emotions take over and bypass the logical parts of our brains and we are swept away with a sense that we absolutely must be with the other person. We go to endless measures to build and maintain that relationship.
When, for whatever reason, it does not work, we can fall to pieces and find ourselves in a dark place.
‘Breaking Up is Hard to Do’ as the Neil Sedaka song says and sometimes if we are really close to the person it can seem devastating at the time. We fall in love or sometimes in lust and become attached to people and when that attachment is broken we can be overwhelmed with:
- Feelings of deep depression
- An overall sense of sadness
- A sense of betrayal if deception is involved
- Anger that this did not turn out
- Panic that we may never fall in love again
- Grief for the relationship that might have been
You may have reached a mutual agreement that the relationship was not working and found an amicable way to go forward, and if children are involved this is particularly important. You must always remember with children that the other person does not stop being their parent just because the relationship may have ended.
There may have been betrayal involved and things may have got heated, vicious, even violent and abusive. In these circumstances you need to bring in third parties to help put distance between you and negotiate the separation.
Love is a wonderful experience and we feel so elated for a few months, years or a lifetime. When, for any reason, it is taken away from us we feel betrayed, adrift, insecure and under attack.
We have to get used to a new order of things, but parts of us try to hang on to that wonderful feeling we had at the giddy height of our relationship.
We may even go into deep denial that the relationship is over, fool ourselves and fantasise that the other person might just realise that we really are the “one” after all.
Of course when a relationship is in trouble it is important to get help and if the help works, all well and good; but sometimes it is just over and the best thing to do is part and go forward with your own life.
Most of us have experienced a few broken hearts in our lives. Whether it was the end of puppy love, a divorce or the death of lifelong partner, parting can be hard to bear for a time.
We can, however, get on with our own lives and relearn to appreciate each breath we aer offered.
If this is the point you have reached you need to tell yourself:
I’m ok and will be ok in the future
I will make the future work
Every day will give me new opportunities
I can have future relationships
I’m looking forward, not back
I am strong and independent
Sometimes you may also need to get professional help to help you move forward. If you go to the garage to fix your car, doesn’t it make sense to get help to mend your broken heart?
Call my office on 02 8021 6429 to book an appointment for hypnotherapy, psychotherapy or counselling.
Dr Tracie O’Keefe DCH, BHSc, ND, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Psychotherapist. Counsellor, PACFA registered Mental Health Professional and Naturopath In Sydney. You can get help by booking an appointment with her at Australian Health & Education Centre.