This is one of the most rewarding areas of my job, being able to help where communication has broken down between those involved in a marriages and relationships where disagreements have prevailed.
When couples and families fall out, everyone moves into a highly emotional state and logic flies out the window. In fact people begin to shut down their external senses like sight or sound, ignoring other people’s communication, and stop listening to each other.
Relationships work on systems. Unfortunately people enter into marriages and relationship with no plan B, and definitely no plan C, D or any other contingent.
What this means is when the relationship hits rocky waters they have no way of getting to shore safely. They have no lifeboat.
Of course in life there will always be rocky waters and can include unexpected affairs, infertility, mismatched sex drive, disputes over family dynamics and friends, separation, possible divorce, money, inheritance issues or bankruptcy.
People don’t mean to fall out with each other, it’s just that sometimes life gets on top of us and we all can lose the plot at times.
The one thing you can be sure of in a relationship is that the unexpected will happen and often when you do not expect it to happen.
Of course you can run away, hide yourself under a rock or pretend your relationship is not falling apart but the only sure way to fix things it to pay attention to the problem and find positive ways forward.
Marriage counselling or relationships counselling is specifically designed to use the mechanics of communication techniques, negotiation, observation and listening skills.
A third-party, detached perspective that is not consumed by emotion can be incredibily useful in analysing the situation and suggesting way to fix things.
It is surprising how many couples are not operating those communication skills. They might like to think they are but in reality their communications have become defensive, closed and one-sided.
They have lost perspective or maybe they were never able to see things objectively in the first place. And when you have no bird’s eye point of view then all you have is your way of looking at things.
Because you fall out with your partner, it doesn’t mean you don’t care for them or love them anymore. We can’t all agree on every issue all the time, but we can all agree to disagree and respect each other’s space.
For marriage counselling or relationship counselling to work well, all involved need to come along to the session willing to make a change.
Sometimes some parties need to have individual sessions. But if you are in a relationship that is difficult for you, you can approach the problem by initially coming to a marriage counselling or relationship counselling session at my clinic in Sydney to find out what you can do about your situation.
If your partner refuses to attend marriage counselling or relationship counselling, it is really ok for you to come along alone in the first instance to find out what you may do to help things go forward.
Book your appointment with Dr Tracie O’Keefe DCH by calling 02 8021 6429.
Dr Tracie O’Keefe DCH, BHSc, ND, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Psychotherapist. Counsellor, PACFA registered Mental Health Professional and Naturopath In Sydney. You can get help by booking an appointment with her at Australian Health & Education Centre.