Many people live in a state of chaos. We will call them the chaos maker. They are late for meetings or simply do not show up, ring up at the last moment and make excuses about not being organised enough to complete their obligations, pay bills late, or don’t have enough money in the bank to pay the mortgage.
The list goes on but it’s always a drama when you deal with them because they have no sense of planning their lives, so every action is simply a reaction to the next perceived disaster.
Of course this type of person always thinks their disasters are someone else’s fault and often resents them. They see other people as being unreasonable when the other person takes the initiative not to accommodate the chaos maker’s disaster.
The chaos maker has a range of excuses for them not being in step with the rest of the world, like: “The bus driver missed the stop”, “It rained”, “I spent the mortgage money”, “People don’t understand me” and of the prize one is “It’s not fair”.
David lived in a constant state of chaos around his relationship with other people. He never kept a girlfriend long because they all got fed up with him being constantly late for dates and not ever remembering their birthdays or returning phone calls.
He was convinced he had just never met the right girl but the truth was that he had no sense of responsibility around making his relationship work. He had to face the way his past girlfriends really saw him and take responsibility to be a considerate partner in future.
People who live in chaos have not grown-up. They do not take responsibility for the results that their actions create in the world. Since they are not organised or responsible for their own actions, things seem to not have good outcomes.
Joanne was very successful at work. She was a well-published scientist and considered one of the leading thinkers in her area of biotechnology. Contrary to that she never paid her bills on time, and her children’s schools were always ringing her laboratory demanding she pay the school fees.
It was not that she did not have the money because she had money in the bank as well as investments and savings, but she just did not take responsibility for her personal and family life and responsibilities. It took a repossession order being placed on her house and social services to place a care order on her children to get her to come into therapy to address her issues of living in a vacuum space, separate from the rest of her family.
While we may all suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, the chaos maker believes that whatever happens to them is someone else’s or something else’s fault. They are unable to see the world from an external analytical perspective.
So chaos makers have to learn how their actions affect the world around them, affect the people around them, take responsibility for their lives and their own personal growth, stop running away from the real world and learn how to be better analytical thinkers in relation to the way they run their lives.
If you need some help to overcome living in chaos, call my office on 02 8021 6429 to book an appointment.